I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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