I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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