went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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