A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
