Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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