She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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