**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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