but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
ttyl tear gas
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
