Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize