I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Randomize
