Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
