remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
