Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
