All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize