I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
