How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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