and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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