Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
