I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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