hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize