i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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