i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
