last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
