i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
