and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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