Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
