Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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