There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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