you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
