So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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