Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
