Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
