He had one of those small greek statue penises
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
