We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
