You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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