So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
