Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
