ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
