Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
