You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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