normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize