This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
