i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
