got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Reggie can tackle my bush.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
