just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
