im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
