I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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