And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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