dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
