i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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