we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
