He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love you.
Bad choice
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