mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
