There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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