she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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