Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what day is it and did you see me today?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
