She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
