No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize