guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
