Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
