Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
