I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
