No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
