Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
