so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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