I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
