glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
