SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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