i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
that's an acceptable place to lick
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
