she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
