1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
