I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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