well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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