Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
