Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
