An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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