i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
