ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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