New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
