If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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