Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
