I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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