I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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