I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would ride that face into the sunset
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
