I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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