sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
