dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
