I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Of course I have a pirate flag
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize