I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
