Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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