the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
