i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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