I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
