Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't turn off my feet"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
