Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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