Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
