I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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