I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
