where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
