That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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