I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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